The wait.

I have decided on my future. Now THAT is a terrifying, but incredibly exciting statement for me. As far as my career path goes, I have decided to pursue Surgical Technology. I recently submitted all of my transcripts and (no matter how horrible) my ACT scores. I never realized how poor of a high school student I was until I looked back on my ACT scores and my transcript. But then again, that was 7+ years ago (wow, I’m old).

Anyways, I just submitted my request for a seat in the selective health program at the local community college. Recently, I have been feeling as if I would be taking a step backwards if I attended a community college, since I have a 4-year Bachelor’s degree already. But then again, if it is going to advance me and push me in right direction of my dreams, that’s not taking a step backward.

I have been watching the website like a hawk for the past couple of days waiting for the ACT scores to be submitted, and literally about 15 minutes ago they were. Pressing that submit button for the request of a seat was kind of scary.

So, with all of that said. Here goes nothing. The due date for the request is May 17, 2017. So I wait until then, possibly after that date, and then I will know if I was accepted!

Wish me luck, interweb friends!

Distance.

I’ve come to realize in the past couple of months or so the main reason why I am not fully enjoying my job is because I continue to put myself into position of my old job in Colorado. I gave my phone number to the new assistant that works with the doctor and PA I used to work with in case she has any questions related to his clinic, surgery scheduling, etc. Probably a bad idea on my behalf. Not because I have a problem helping people out, in fact, it’s the complete opposite. I love helping others and giving them advice or tips to make it through tough situations in clinic or otherwise. But it’s not my place anymore.

I need to learn to distance myself from that doctor, PA and their new clinical liaison, as difficult as it might be. I wish so much that I could work remotely for them because I know she is having a difficult time with surgery scheduling and is becoming quite overwhelmed, but again, it’s not my place anymore. I gave it up. Someone else has it now.

If I distance myself with those co-workers that will allow me to fully enjoy the work I am doing at this company, with these new co-workers and doctors. I truly enjoy working in the field orthopedics and I do enjoy my job, however, I could use a lot more work to do… which is probably why I am envious of my old doctor’s new assistant, I know she’s got a lot of work to do. Which is good.. for her. I need to focus on my job, my life in Michigan and job in Ohio. I need to stop getting involved with their clinic and the “drama” that continues to happen. It is so so difficult, but I feel like this is absolutely what I need.

It will happen.

Lately I have been going crazy over the idea of buying a house. Ever since Justin said we should “start looking”, which apparently in his mind meant just looking… But then came the constant searching on Realty websites for the perfect home, when in reality, we’ve still got several months until we can truly “start looking.” To me, I just feel like we are sitting here, doing nothing with our lives, obviously we are doing something, but everyone else is doing so much more.

So many of my previous classmates (high school and/or college) are buying homes, starting families, etc. And here we are, living paycheck to paycheck in a one bedroom apartment. Why can’t we have those same things?

Because it takes time.

Once an idea is brought to my attention, I always tend to want to rush it. Things take time, especially huge life-changing decisions. I just need to SLOW DOWN. But boy is it difficult. I need to learn to enjoy where we are at in this stage of our lives. Enjoy each other, our wonderful greyhound and the fact that we are truly happy in life.

But I still just want everything to move faster than it is for some reason.

Everything happens in its own time, I just have to take a step back and let the guy above do His work.

Westward Wilderness

I have never known such a place to offer such open arms to explore the diversity of its land. I have never felt so free and curious and exhilarated as I did there. Westward wilderness brings about a certain beauty in people, I swear. It’s a kind of beauty everyone needs to experience at least once in their lives.

I was incredibly lucky to call Denver and RMNP my home for nearly 2 years. I wish so much every day that I could pick up everything and make a home out there with Justin. But then he makes the wise decisions of our marriage in that it would be nearly impossible at this point. I absolutely enjoyed being so close to those snow capped wonders, but I am so grateful to live so close to dear family members who (eventually) will be the grandparents and great grandparents to our children.

For now, I shall call the mitten my home, maybe in the future (10-15 years) I will be able to say otherwise.

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What was wrong with your other job?

While in the position of Patient Care Tech at a very well known health system in Michigan, I couldn’t stop asking myself if this was really what I wanted in life. I absolutely love caring for others, primarily working in healthcare. I love being a “side kick” for the most part.

In Colorado, I worked as a Clinical Liaison for an Orthopedic surgeon. That was something I had never even imagined I would do. For the many years before that I was a Certified Nursing Assistant who cleaned butts and fed the elderly for a living (which, by the way, I LOVE). But it was completely different from my new position I landed in CO. Maybe the fondness grew from my computer skills and my love for technology which became incorporated with anatomy and physiology, my other obsession in life. Or maybe it all boiled down to WHO I was working with. The surgeon and his PA became some of the best mentors I have had in my life. They taught me so much about medicine, I nearly considered PA school, but then there’s the fact that I probably wouldn’t make it through that.

While working with the surgeon, he flew to an outreach clinic in rural South East Colorado one Friday a month. This was probably one of the best parts of working with him. Typically in clinic I did all the charting and he would dictate his patient plan for each visit. In the outreach clinic he would dictate everything. A nice break for me 🙂 But that wasn’t my favorite part. On our ride back to Denver, we would end up sitting awkwardly across from each other on an old Flight for Life plane and that’s when the life talks happened. He constantly asked me when I was going to apply for nursing school or what happened in undergrad that made me give up on that dream. In all honesty, it was the instructors, but then it came down to maybe that’s not what I am meant to do.

There are still many things that attract me to Nursing which include being in the action (the blood and guts of it, if you will), working side by side with physicians and surgeons and the patient contact aspect as well. Nursing is one of, if not, the hardest degree programs nationwide. I applaud any individual who pursues and achieves this accomplishment. When I was 3 I definitely thought I was going to. But things change and I am okay with that. The one thing I am not entirely pleased with is stagnation. I love my job right now, I get to work with surgeons and nurses and great MAs, but I sit at a desk, staring constantly at a computer screen, while occasionally a patient is brought to my office to schedule a surgery (which really only takes me 5 minutes). I do love this, but I really do miss the constant patient/surgeon interaction and the HANDS ON medicine.

With ALL of that said, I know there are many careers out there that seem to embody the aspects of the career in healthcare I am looking for. Now I am looking toward becoming a Surgical Technologist. I would be in the OR all the time, side by side with the surgeon and watching procedures right in front of my eyes. That would be incredible. I remember experiencing my first surgery as a nursing student where they did a total knee replacement (ha, ironic), but it was by far the most incredible experience I have had educationally speaking. I want to feel that excitement every day of my life! In the past 6 or 7 months I have changed my mind SO MANY TIMES, including contemplating grad school, nursing school, radiology tech programs, recreational therapy, etc. so maybe this is just another phase, but then again, maybe not. I do remember though, when Justin was thinking of attending a Vet Tech program in CO I came across Surgical Technologist programs and heavily considered it (back in 2014). I know A LOT has changed in my life since then.

I wish there was a button I could push that would tell me what the correct career choice is for me. UGH. But, such is life, there is no answer button.